


A Design For Life

by Velocity_Owl87



Series: Percival/EggsyAU [3]
Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Grief/Mourning, Hopeful Ending, Long-Term Relationship(s), M/M, Past Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-11
Updated: 2016-09-11
Packaged: 2018-08-14 09:25:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8007898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Velocity_Owl87/pseuds/Velocity_Owl87
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eggsy's noticed that Percival isn't quite as warm or friendly around his sister. It's not until after they take on a child-trafficking assignment that he finds out what exactly his partner is struggling with.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Design For Life

**Author's Note:**

> I had the idea for this story, but it didn't fit in anywhere else but with these two. I swear that one day I'm going to write one that's just sweet and sappy. I don't know why these two are the ones that get to channel these types of grief.  
> Proofed, but if mistakes occur, they will be fixed.   
> I know this is a very touchy subject, so I've tried to portray it with as much respect as possible.  
> Title is from Manic Street Preacher's "A Design for Life."

Eggsy, for all his powers of observation, had failed to notice the quiet sorrow that had come over Iwan ever so gradually that once he had finally seen it, Eggsy wondered how exactly it had happened.  He had thought that everything had been fine until one afternoon in August. 

It had been after they had spent an afternoon with Daisy in the townhouse that Eggsy noticed it. Iwan had been fine playing with Daisy, as he had done countless of times. Yet there was something completely different in the way that he was interacting with Daisy. Although he was nice as ever, Iwan appeared cold. Not as glacial as Eggsy had seen him be with other people, but still cold nonetheless. Iwan was detached and not as attentive as he had been to his little sister in the past. Eggsy didn’t say anything on that occasion and instead pushed his observations away. He did think on his observations afterwards, when he and Iwan were investigating child trafficking in Albania. 

It was a routine (as routine as anything was in the Kingsman world)mission in neutralising the threat and getting the victims out and in the hands of the proper authorities. It had been easy for them to bribe their way into those circles. Easier than the MI-6 agents that had been sent in prior to them getting the assignment. With Iwan providing the muscle and intimidation and Eggsy being the charm and the suitcase full of money to smooth any faux pas that could arise, they were in before their projected time. 

“Do you think there’s going to be babies there?”

Iwan asked him as they sat getting ready for the raid in the hotel room in Elbasan, just twenty minutes away from the house that Merlin and the other agents had targeted as the hand off depot for the ring and the children that would have been stashed there. 

Eggsy looked up from the game that he had been half-heartedly playing to kill time while Iwan finished up going over the specs of the mission. They had decided earlier on that Iwan would be the one handling the guns and Eggsy would be talking to the children, since he was younger and thus more approachable than Iwan.

“Hmm? God. I hope not. Merlin’s intel didn’t say. But if that is the case, you don’t have to worry. I’ll take care of them.”

Eggsy stated firmly, determined to take the harder task. Yes, they were dealing with dangerous people, but Iwan was more than capable at taking care of himself. He had been doing this far longer than Eggsy, but he couldn’t help but worry just a bit. 

Iwan nodded as he took off his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose. His eyes darkened to steel grey before his face smoothed out into a neutral mask. Eggsy stood up and tossed his phone onto the lumpy bed and walked over to his partner. He knew that Iwan was upset at the possibility of helpless children being abused and held against their will without their parents or anyone to take care of them. It bothered him as well, since it would also make him fear for anything happening to Daisy, but he also understood why it was worse for Iwan. He could go home and hug Daisy. Iwan only had the cold comfort of a grave in Wales. Assignments with children were always the worst and if Lancelot and Tristan hadn’t been bogged down in Angola, they wouldn’t have been assigned to this one. 

Arthur and Merlin knew that due to their pasts to not hand them those assignments, but they were stuck. No other agents were available and they went in, despite Iwan freezing and being as professionally cold as Eggsy had seen him. Despite Eggsy having nightmares and waking up gasping and needing to curl up around Iwan. They went in. They were Kingsmen and that was simply what they did. 

But it was taking its toll on them. Eggsy was sure that he would bear up from the strain of being in Albania.

“We’ll catch them and those kids will be taken care of. Cause that’s what we do, Perce.”

Eggsy whispered as he stood in front of his partner in all senses of the word. He cupped Iwan’s square jaw in his hands and tipped their foreheads together. Iwan’s facade cracked a bit and he reached up to put his hands on Eggsy’s shoulders.

“I know.”

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, getting himself together before he looked at Eggsy and half smiled before he gave Eggsy a soft, light kiss. 

They stood like that for a few moments of silence before Iwan pulled away and went to his bed. 

“Will you be-”

“Yeah. Don’t worry. I’ll do my job.”

Iwan replied, picking up his glasses and swearing softly when he put them on. 

That put Eggsy on high alert as he then scrambled for his own glasses and put them on. 

“Galahad, Percival. You’re on.”

Iwan replied in the affirmative as he gathered up his gear, neither of them talking as they got ready to take on the traffickers. 

The silence was broken when they crawled into their jeep.

“Try to make it home safe.”

Iwan muttered squeezing Eggsy’s bicep before he put the key in the ignition, started the car and they were on their way. 

~*~*~*~*~

They were in and out with minimal damage and minimal attention. With Iwan taking care of the traffickers and Eggsy taking it upon himself to gather up and calm the distraught children that they found in the large and drafty house in the Albanian countryside. Iwan had stayed behind, directing Nimueh and Guinevere and the social workers towards the children Eggsy was keeping well in hand. They had exchanged a brief look and Iwan only shook his head as he went to debrief the other knights and to direct the cleanup crew that was on their way. 

Eggsy sighed, but didn’t want to push it. Not on the field. They could wait to talk about it. Especially when Eggsy was pretty sure that it had to do with Iwan’s coldness and the cracking of his composure earlier in the mission. 

The one thing that Eggsy could be grateful for was that Merlin’s intel had been impeccable as always. 

There were no babies there. 

They cleaned up and got the kids, the thirty of them that they had found, into the planes and took off within two hours. The crew took three hours. 

The place looked like it hadn’t existed when they were done. 

They flew in the same plane, but neither of them spoke to each other. Eggsy thought that they would just be sitting next to each other in silence and not touch, but Iwan disabused him of the notion five minutes into the flight, when he reached out and took his hand and tangled their fingers together, tightening his grip on Eggsy’s hand as they flew back to Kingsman headquarters. 

~*~*~*

Eggsy was typing up the last of the report when he heard Iwan’s characteristic knock on the door. 

“Come on in. I’ll be done in a few minutes.” He called out as he finished typing the last sentence, saved it and sent Merlin and Arthur both copies of it. 

“All right. I can wait.” Iwan replied as he sat down on the chair and patiently waited for his partner to finish up. He took out his phone and scrolled aimlessly through it until Eggsy stopped typing and shut down his computer.

Iwan put his phone away and looked up at Eggsy. His eyes were back to their clear Arctic green, but his face was pale. Even more so than usual. He had washed off the blood and the miasma of battle, but there was still the scent of something else,  _ something sad _ clinging to him. 

It hurt him to see Iwan this way, but he was wise enough to know that he wasn’t going to be able to erase that sorrow from him. As much as he wanted to, he knew that he couldn’t. Just like Iwan couldn’t take the grief over his Lee and Harry away. They could help each other through the visits that their separate grief gave them, but that was all that could be done.

He knew this, so he waited for Iwan to speak.

Only to have the silence broken by his mobile ringing and his mother asking him if he could pick up Daisy and mind her for a bit. 

“What did your mum want?”

Eggsy winced at the flat tone of Iwan’s voice. 

“It’s her work. She needs us to mind Daisy for a few hours. I’d say that we’d be-”

He saw the exact moment that Iwan shut down and he could have given everything to take the words back and refuse his mum. But it was too late. Iwan’s next words proved that had been the case.

“Eggsy. I can’t be around Daisy tonight. I’m sorry, but I really can’t. I’ll see you when you’re done with her. Just text me.”

Iwan interrupted, his eyes flashing back to that dull grey again as he picked up his mobile and coat and exited, leaving Eggsy wondering what had just happened. 

“Iwan!”

He rushed to the door, but it was too late. Iwan was gone and he needed to pick up Daisy. He’d deal with Iwan later. 

~*~*~*~*~

The next morning, Eggsy found Iwan in the kitchen with his hands wrapped around a mug of tea. He looked bleary and rumpled as he drank some tea. His eyes looked almost opaque when he looked up at Eggsy and his face looked ashy and tired. Eggsy wanted to wrap his arms around him and drag him to bed, but there was still that edge of sadness he had sensed coming from Iwan yesterday.  So he waited for Iwan to take the initiative in the matter.

“There’s tea in the pot. I think we’re going to need it, since it’s too damned early for anything stronger.”

Iwan pointed to the pot and the mug that was sitting next to it. Eggsy lit up, glad to have the caffeine in the early morning right before a hard conversation. 

“Thanks, love.”

Once he had a cuppa fixed up to how he liked it, he sat down across from Iwan and took a sip. He didn’t press him and instead enjoyed the warmth of the tea as it seeped through him. He was halfway through the cup when Iwan broke the silence. 

“I’m sorry Eggsy. I know I’ve not been as close to Daisy as I used to. Or to any child.” 

He stopped and rubbed his face roughly, reddening the skin before he curled his hands around his cup. He looked down at the tea and sighed heavily. 

“I just see all these children and...You know, I always thought I’d have my own football team by now. I thought that it would start with Angharad and you know it didn’t work out like that. Life rarely does work out the way you want it to.”

He scoffed and rolled his shoulders as if to have an old hurt slide off of them. Seeing him do that made Eggsy’s heart hurt for him. He knew about the hurt of losing Angharad. Was all too aware of the sadness that would sink its grip into Iwan when Mid-November would arrive. It would be a brief spell, but it would be a hard one, leaving him incapacitated enough to not get out of bed for at least a day or two.

“I got word of that my ex-wife just had another baby just a little while ago. Her third and it hit me that dream is over. Even though I  _ knew _ it, had known it for a long time...Part of me still kept holding onto to hope.”

He laughed, but it was a harsh sound, full of depecration. 

Eggsy stayed silent, not sure what to say at this revelation. Iwan hadn’t ever talked that much about his ex or his child. In fact, Eggsy hadn’t been sure what name the child had until this conversation.

“I looked into adoption, you know. After we made it official, but even with our resources, there are things that are out of our reach. I thought that I would be fine just being an uncle to Daisy, but after it sunk in that dream won’t ever happen...I just can’t do it and I hate that I’m feeling that way.”

He gulped down his tea and refilled it, leaving Eggsy to watch as he poured out the tea with shaking hands.

“You can’t help your feelings, Perce. But you shouldn’t let them control you and make you miserable. It’s not easy and I can respect that...But I can also say that there’s more to life.  _ Your _ life than having children. You have been one of the top agents in Kingsman. You’re here. WIth me. We have a good life together and yes, there are things we can’t have, but they don’t outweigh what I have with you or all the people that you have helped.”

Iwan was silent as he added a splash of milk to his tea, his hands shaking, but not as badly as before. Once he was done, he sat down and reached over to take Eggsy’s hand, stroking the palm of it with his thumb as he gathered up his thoughts. 

“That’s part of the reason why I hate that I’m letting all of this control me for the moment. I’ve got the life I dreamed of back in Wales. I have the most understanding and caring partner in you, which was something I wasn’t sure was going to happen to me again. I had accepted it, but…”

Eggsy leaned in and looked at Iwan. 

“I used to get angry that I had missed my shot at the Olympics, because of life on the estate. I thought I was okay with it...Then out of nowhere, I’d get angry all over. I’d get angry that my father died. I’d get angry at my mum and for days, I’d just be off.”

Iwan listened, a small smile crossing his face as he did.  He remembered when Eggsy had shared that old hurt in the middle of the night at some point. He had assured Eggsy and had let him grieve for his lost dream. In the morning, he’d made tea and even though Eggsy had been quieter and sleep smudged, he had been better. It had been their pattern ever since whenever that darkness came to visit.

“I know it’s not the same as wanting kids. I didn’t really think about them, since Daisy’s around. I know that I can’t completely understand what you’re going through. But I can listen and make you tea and listen if you want me to.”

Iwan smiled completely then and squeezed Eggsy’s hand.

“Thank you for the offer. But I’ll take the tea and companionship instead. Mainly because I think that it’s time to see Vivian.”

Although he was slightly hurt at his offer being sort of turned down, he couldn’t argue that going to talk to the Kingsman’s psychologist was a good idea. He could listen, he could offer support, but he couldn’t help Iwan with his grief.  It was a good idea and he couldn’t begrudge Iwan for his foresight. 

Not when he could see how even making that decision was helping him already.

Eggsy saw that his eyes weren’t as bleary or as grey as they had been before and even though Iwan still looked sad and slightly tired, he wasn’t as worried as before. 

It was on its way out and that was what he cared about.

The rest would fall in place in time.

~*~*~*~*

Iwan had surprised Eggsy and Daisy as they sat at the kitchen island. Daisy was doing her homework while Eggsy helped. Mugs of tea and chocolate biscuits sat at the far end of the counter and in fact, Eggsy was about to drink from his mug when he saw Iwan. 

He was pale and moving a fraction slower than he usually did. But he was there and he didn’t look like he was intending to disappear when he saw Daisy was there. 

“Iwan!”

Daisy noticed him and grinned a gap toothed grin in his direction. One that Eggsy was afraid Iwan wouldn’t return. 

It took him a bit of time, but  Iwan grinned back and pulled up a stool to sit between Eggsy and Daisy.

“Daisy. How are things? Giving your brother a hard time now?”

She denied it, giving Eggsy time to slide an arm around Iwan, who flinched and groaned under his breath at the touch. Startled, Eggsy lightly touched Iwan’s side and felt the thickness of bandage under the fabric of his shirt. It was then that he noticed Iwan’s suit jacket was gone. 

Iwan caught the concern, but he gave his head a slow shake and looked meaningfully at Daisy before he leaned into the touch and got close enough to speak to Eggsy.

“It’s a clean wound. Igraine said it would heal clean. I’ll be fine. Trust me.”

Eggsy felt himself blanching at the news. “I could call mum to pick up Daisy early tonight.”

Iwan shook his head. “I need this tonight. To see you and her alive and here, with me. It was a bit rougher than we expected. Thank you for the offer, but it’s okay. Really. I just need this.”

He kissed Eggsy, who moved his arm and then pulled Iwan closer, letting him rest his head on his shoulder. Eggsy let him and only held him tighter, mindful of his injuries and then settled to watch Daisy. 

Only for awhile. He got Iwan into bed soon after Daisy had been picked up and curled up around him, letting Iwan stroke his hair until both of them fell asleep, safe and needing nothing and no one else.

END

 


End file.
